The Allure of the Wilderness - a Season of Maturing Endurance

John 14:13
And I will do [I Myself will grant] whatever you ask in My Name [as presenting all that I AM], so that the Father may be glorified and extolled in (through) the Son.

I have asked, and I have been active in my work of believing God to answer my prayer (though we have had a few conversations on the subject of belief).  I have checked that my request is in keeping with His will; that it is appropriate.  I have worked hard at being obedient (still need some work here but can say that it is the longest consistent run at obedience I have ever had – I really want this prayer answered), and still I wait.

He has not said no to my request, and sometimes He encourages me to believe Him hard for my yes.  Yet the answer has not materialized.  I find a way to loose myself in the activity of life and forget only to have an experience that wicks it all back up again.  Once more what was nearly forgotten is stirred up again with the most intense desire.  Why?

On one hand it seems cruel – even Proverbs says that hope deferred makes the heart sick (13:12).  What do we do with the things we long for and though we have asked repeatedly (Matthew 7:8) and fight the fight of faith (Hebrews 11:1 and 6); and still we wait for the answer?

                                                      

Endurance – turns out to be another reason for an extended wilderness stay. It is a deeper purification, and a more intense sifting of the heart.    

James 1:2-4

²Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.

    ³Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.

    ⁴But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.

Could I live without my request?  Eighteen months ago I would have said no.  But these days I know I can - - as long as I don’t have to live with the desire for what I long for.  I can say like the Apostle Paul, I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation….I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me (Philippians 4:11-13). 

I have experience now with taking my needs to God and receiving His grace.  Sometimes He provides a tangible gift such as an invitation from my girlfriends for a night of fun. Sometimes it is an amazing evening of dancing which I love and has been one of His sweetest gifts to me.  It has brought so much healing and joy that I have to be careful not to let it eclipse my love for Him.  Sometimes He just gives me an extra sense of His Presence which provides a fullness that satisfies me completely but never permanently. 

He knows that I could go on living life day by day in His company and that alone would satisfy the desire for my request.  Yet I know with full certainty that He is the One that brings it back to the surface time after time.  Why?

I think there are several reasons, most notably that when we work for something we are partners with God.  Many times it seems that when we pray for something, then in turn He asks us for an investment before we get the payoff of answered prayer.  It can be so easy to have a fickle heart and not appreciate the gifts God gives if we haven’t had to work for them. 

Could it be that my prayer request is much like a five-year old asking for a fiery, red Ferrari?  God doesn’t say no – He says how badly do you want it?  Enough to save for it denying other lesser ways to spend hard earned money?  Enough to learn to drive with the skill needed to handle such a powerful piece of machinery?  Enough to prove to Me you will take care of something so valuable by caring for lesser things as though they too were as costly as the car? 

As God speaks to me over the Ferrari analogy, I realize that what I have asked Him for will require much of me in order to be able to enjoy the gift I seek.  My maturity level will be put to the test.  So will the ability to keep my priorities in order and live with integrity and faithfulness.  And so the gift I seek requires me to pass rigorous testing; to patiently endure this wilderness season and still manifest the fruit of His Spirit within me.

With each test I have learned volumes.  Some tests I have passed, some I have failed at miserably, but in each one I have experienced God’s love for me in deeper and deeper ways.  Failures teach me that He loves me unconditionally, knows me intimately, and accepts me for who I am while continuing the work of molding me into His image.  Each success gives me encouragement to continue our partnership for the times when I would like to quit and walk away. 

Overall though, the failures have meant more to me than the successes.  I know that He prearranged each test to show me what He already sees. Each time I sin, failing my test I am forced to acknowledge things that need to be dealt with.  Then I am far more open to working with God to bring help and healing.  Then as the tests come up again and again my responses improve.  I marvel that He knows all my stuff, both the good and ugly and is not the least bit surprised when I act badly.  In fact – He is the One pushing the envelope to force the issue out in the open so we can partner together to get it taken care of.

So I can on some level concur with the half brother of Jesus, the Apostle James in counting it all joy when trials and temptations come my way.  There are multiple categories to put the tally marks of life into, and choosing to put trials under the heading of joy is truly a way of paying it forward.